Loving the wrong person, one of the things that we are most afraid of, might happen to us. We close ourselves up, go to great lengths to avoid this very sense of love. But yet, we all do it.
Since, somewhere back in the past, we were afraid to show ourselves completely when we got close to someone. We seemed normal to only those people who didn’t know us very well. In this wise, very confident world even we; ourselves, were afraid to show our real self to people. An important question in the first close conversation with a loved one should be: how crazy are you?
This because we have a flavor in us, we all tend to get angry when someone disagrees with our views and we are relaxed and feel inclined when the other person is agreeing. We all are tricky to some extent. We rarely think about our own complexities. Whenever, we feel we are at the brink of revealing our flaws, we blame the other person, and shut ourselves down, basically go into that Fight or Flight mode. As for our friends, they don’t mostly care much of doing the hard work and taking all the risk and pointing out our flaws to us.
Our lovers however, same as us, not self-aware, not knowing what they want. Are Aliens, So we try to know them, we see their childhood photos, we meet their friends, sometimes we even ask them about their craziness, all of this make us feel that we have done our homework and now we know them. But we don’t.
Relationships and marriages are often a sweet gamble, taken by two people, who don’t have any idea about who might the other person be. But they give themselves to the other, just hoping that the other person will not drop.
For Skeptics everything was fine. Historically, people got married for all logical reasons…reasons like; her piece of land bordered yours, his family had a big business, her father was an influential person in the area or both of the families believe in the same interpretation of their holy text and many more. The marriage of reason survived, unless and until, both the parties had vested interests. Both of them compromised a bit and it all went good. Maybe, it was not reasonable, but it survived.
We, however, have no reason to hold on, just an emotion to drive us, to give ourselves completely to others. To have faith that the other will not break our heart and it will all work out. Because our world is digital, where we have so many options, so many happy ending to see at Instagram, the marriage of feelings have taken place of the marriage of reason now. We are more likely to look for a happy feeling – love.
We all are seeking happiness in a relationship or in a marriage but it isn’t that simple. What we really seek in another person is comfort level, familiarity, a place to be ourselves. But all this complicate the happiness. We are looking to manifest a feeling which we knew so well in our childhood, a feeling of familiarity, of friendship. It was very easy then, but not now. As grown ups we have to act too right, too balanced too mature and in control of our emotions.
We fall in love with the wrong person because we see them doing all these things better. Or because they are the right kind of crazy. We cannot loose it cannot risk not loving again. So we try. Try to make that nice feeling, feeling of love, come again and be permanent. We imagine that the person will accept us as we are, it will open a bottle of joy. That very sentiment of joy came, when we first thought of purposing her, when we first held her hand. We try to make these feelings permanent but we fail to understand that there is no possibility of it. Yes, everybody has baggage, and everybody will frustrate, madden and anger us and that we would do the same to them.
But there is a perspective to it – We should not abandon even that kind of a person. We Should not abandon the foundation of the romantic ideal, an idea on which the relationship was first based upon. We should remember the feeling of how holding the hands at the first place felt. There is no perfect being who can meet all of our demands and can satisfy all our longings. Awareness, that every being will frustrate, madden and anger us and that we would do the same to them, brings a little hope. Yes, this brings hope.
The perfect person, does exist. Not the one who shares all your tastes in music and food and people. A person who can talk about the differences in tastes intelligently and convincingly. Someone who accepts the disagreement.
A person who can accept the differences generously is not wrong.
Harmony and friendship is an achievement of love. Not, must have in love.
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